getting "raped by greek gods": trouble in the bronze age

the impetus for my writing this post came from an article which featured in "yahoo news" which was entitled "Man claims Glaxo drug made him gay sex addict." intriguing, no? here is the link:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/-/world/8750805/man-claims-drug-gay-sex-addict/

this glorious frenchman has obviously found himself in a fair bit of hot water, after having gambled away his family's entire savings and then been unintentionally ousted from the closet (in which it sounds as though he was having a right old party).

...He became addicted to Internet gambling, losing the family's savings and stealing to feed his habit. He also became a compulsive gay sex addict and began exposing himself on the Internet and cross-dressing.

so how do you explain all this to your wife? well, you can't really. however, this guy has decided to try... by blaming it all on his medication. okay...plausible maybe if he's self-medicating a cocktail of pseudoephedrine and hallucinogens, but he isn't. he's taking some drug that's produced by glaxosmithklien and is used for treating parkinsons disease and restless leg syndrome. this drug is called "requip" and according to wikipedia some of the possible side-effects can include:

hypersexuality and compulsive gambling, even in patients without a prior history of these behaviours.

these seem like very neurologically specific side-effects to me, especially considering the subtle implication that being very, very gay is an abnormality (hypersexuality). i also find it quite bizarre that this drug makes everyone freak out in exactly the same way; "oh my god i just have this overwhelming urge to gamble compulsively." but according to wiki, it's true. the only thing i can think of is that they must subject patients to some form of subliminal suggestion and that people who suffer from restless leg sydrome/parkinsons are more susceptible than most. perhaps they tell them over and over that they may experience these particular side-effects and after a while it's not even an option any more to NOT cross-dress in photos on the internet while simultaneously playing online polka. anyway, this guy is asking for 450,000 euros from glaxosmithklien for compensation so hopefully - if all goes well - he can repay some of those outstanding debts.

i'm not sure how this fares for other sufferers of the disease if they are taking the same medication...has michael j fox been exercising super-human efforts of self-restraint all these years? or is he just extremely discreet? and what about mao zedong or muhammad ali?

anyway, you are probably wondering what all this has to do with the title of this post by now. basically, it occurred to me that this situation may be the modern day equivalent to the "virgin birth." i'm pretty sure the that the virgin birth was a great 'get-out-of-jail-free' card back in the day too. this was before we could blame stuff on glaxosmithklien. another example which always impressed me was those wonderful women in the bronze age complaining they got raped by "greek gods".

men: hey how did you get pregnant out of wedlock? now we must kill you on the sacrificial alter!

woman: um...a "greek god" had his way with me

men: ah huh! those cheeky greek gods again! it seems you are in favour with the greek gods
woman and therefore we shall not kill you on the sacrificial alter but we shall worship
you and your unborn god/man hybrid baby.

leda and the swan

the story of 'leda and the swan' is a great example of this. leda had already slept with her husband 'king tyndareus' that morning so if busted she probably would've been in double-trouble. the king was taking his customary stroll after lunch when he heard the unmistakable sounds of his wife when making sweet love to him.

what is this? i am not making sweet love to her!? he quickly realised.

horrified, he walked down and almost busted her cavorting naked in the palace lake with greg, the palace lake-cleaner. she lay there alone, looking disheveled and spent, while the resourceful and nimble greg was nowhere to be seen.

what have you done!? he thundered, feeling both hurt and fragile.

leda realising she had only been half sprung, in her panic pointed to a nearby swan. the swan looked up dumbly.

what? you have been defiled by a beast? for this you must suffer on the sacrificial alter!

leda realised that her hasty excuse could cost her her life so she resorted to the age-old fail-safe:

husband, this is not just an ordinary swan! this is the great god zeus in the form of a swan! do not call him simply a beast, or surely he will strike you down!

really? replied the king, looking suspiciously at the swan.

yes, of course it is! i would never mess around behind your royal back - how could you think such a thing? unless, of course, as in this instance, it was with a greek god - in which case i would have no choice but to copulate in many ways with him, in this case in his chosen swan-form.

having blurted this out, leta looked up nervously at her husband to guage his reaction. greg was in the nearby reeds, trying desperately to suppress his laughter.

well...i don't know... he looked doubtful but leda could also see a tinge of hope in his eyes

come on husband, zeus does this stuff all the time! why, remember last summer how my cousin europa got kidnapped by him in bull-form? and then just last week, poseidon raped that caeneus chick. it's just a god thing. really you shouldn't question it at all.

as she was talking leda pulled her undies back on and slowly led her husband away from the lake, winking at greg over her shoulder.

the end